


Operation: Get Stevie Laid

by bellafarella



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Drinking, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Games, Kissing, Love, M/M, Neck Kissing, Post-Canon, Smut, Teasing, Texting, night out, reference of past lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 13:11:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19132699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellafarella/pseuds/bellafarella
Summary: "David and Patrick are Stevie’s wingmen on a night out named ‘Operation: Get Stevie Laid’. They check out guys together and rate them out of ten, guess their profession and whole back story before deciding which one Stevie should go talk to."





	Operation: Get Stevie Laid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wildxwired](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildxwired/gifts).



> From a post made on Tumblr to the picture of David, Patrick, and Stevie checking Ted out in The House Warming episode in season 5. I randomly started writing it. I don't know if it's any good. I also didn't really proof read it. Hope you enjoy!

Patrick pulls up into a spot a block or so away from the bar. David lowers the music, he had been blasting some throwbacks; Spice Girls, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, anything circa 2003 or earlier. He, David, and Stevie exit the car and start the short walk to the only good bar in Elmdale. Patrick is wearing a soft blue v-neck sweater with a white t-shirt underneath and his blue jeans, David is wearing his black sweater with ‘Nonchalence’ written across in white with black jeans with small rips at the knees, and Stevie is wearing a grey low-cut but loose tank top with a leather jacket and black skinny jeans.

_“What makes this bar better than the one closest to town?” Patrick had asked when Stevie and David decided on this bar in Elmdale for their night out._

_The two of them had shared a look before Stevie said, “It’s the only good bar as in it has good looking people in it and since this night out is to help me get laid, I think it’s the best possible option.”_

So here they are, Saturday night, walking into the only good bar in Elmdale. Patrick took it upon himself to be the designated driver; knowing that David would want to drink, especially since he doesn’t like to go out much anymore (‘ _why do we need to go out when all I really want to do is fuck your brains out at home?’_ David had said when Patrick had once suggested they go out for drinks at a bar, for something different to do. That got shot down quickly with David’s response, Patrick not wanting to do anything other than what David had said), and this night out was what David had named ‘Operation: Get Stevie laid’. And since this night was all about finding someone for Stevie to have some fun with, he sure as hell wouldn’t let her drive.

They find a table near the bar to sit at. A young woman with a bright smile and long brown curly hair comes over with a couple of drink menus. She puts them down and says, “Hi, I’m Maria, what can I get you?”

Patrick and Stevie both order a beer, and David looks at the drink menu seeing if there are any fun cocktails. He ends up ordering some type of pink lemonade cocktail that has a few different liquors in it but it’s supposedly sweet and very good.

It’s only a few minutes before they get their drinks. They take a sip and Stevie’s looking around the bar.

“See anyone you like so far?” David asks her.

Stevie makes a humming sound as she continues her eye search of the bar. David and Patrick also let their eyes wander around the bar; they need to help her out. Patrick nods his head over at one guy standing at a pool table watching as his friend takes his turn. “What about him? The tall guy with the beard next to the pool table,” He clarifies.

David and Stevie both look at who Patrick noticed. David says, “Kinda looks like Mutt.”

“Not a bad thing,” Stevie says with a small smirk.

“No, definitely not but he’s maybe like a seven,” David says moving his head side to side looking at the man across the bar.

“Oh, are we rating these guys too?” Patrick asks looking between David and Stevie.

“Uh, yeah,” They say in unison.

“What do you think he does for a living?” Stevie asks putting her chin in her hand where her elbow rests on the table, looking at David.

“Mm,” David says tapping his chin like he’s deep in thought. “He’s definitely a mechanic of some sort, or maybe like a wood maker.”

“You’re still just thinking of Mutt,” Stevie says suppressing a laugh.

“He has that look, what do you want me to say?” David asks incredulously.

Patrick laughs, not being able to contain it. David glares at him but he resolves when Patrick leans forward and kisses him softly on the lips. He rolls his eyes when they part and picks up his drink taking a long sip as he looks around the bar for a new potential hookup for his best friend.

“Dark skinned guy with the full arm of tattoos at the bar?” David asks nodding toward the guy he’s talking about.

“Oooh,” Stevie says looking him up and down. “He has a good butt.”

“Mhm,” Patrick agrees also looking at the guy.

David looks at Patrick and clears his throat. “Your fiancée is sitting right next to you, you know?” He says teasingly.

“I know,” Patrick says like the little shit that he is. He takes David’s left hand and kisses his knuckles where his four gold rings will stay forever. He puts David’s hand on his thigh, David doesn’t remove it. He adds, “He’s like an eight.”

“Definitely an eight,” Stevie agrees. “He’s a personal trainer.”

“Oh, one hundred percent,” David says. He sees the waitress from before and waves her over, having finished his cocktail. “Hi, can we get four polar bear shots, please?” He asks her.

“Sure, can I get you anything else?” She asks the table. Stevie orders another beer as well, and Patrick says he’s fine for now.

“I’m not having any shots, David,” Patrick says once the girl leaves.

David suppresses a grin. He says, “Oh, I know, honey. Two for me and two for Stevie.”

Patrick says softly, “Okay,” patting his hand that’s still on his thigh, moving absentmindedly. He spots a guy that he thinks Stevie might like. He says, “How about him? The guy walking out of the washroom.”

David and Stevie both look and see the guy Patrick meant. “Oh my God,” David says. The guy is tall, maybe a bit shorter than David, he has a bit of scruff on his face, and untamed wild hair that looks like it might have been styled that way.

“That looks like Jake,” Stevie says and David is nodding in agreement and saying “Mhm, yup.”

“What? No…” Patrick says but once the guy comes a bit closer, passing by them to go to the bar he says, “Shit.” David suppresses a laugh as he rubs Patrick’s shoulder with his hand. “What’s with this place? Everyone looks like someone we know,” Patrick adds.

“Or fucked,” Stevie says with a smirk.

The waitress brings over the four shots and Stevie’s second beer. David and Stevie both pick up a shot each and shoot it back before doing their second one.

“He’s cute,” David says spotting a guy sitting at a table with a couple other people. Patrick and Stevie try to spot who David’s looking at but aren’t sure who he means. David says, “The guy in the far corner table with the Blue Jays cap on.”

Patrick smiles at David and says, “Who would have thought you would think a guy wearing a baseball hat inside is cute?”

“Well, you like baseball and I agreed to marry you, so,” David says shaking his head slightly and trying not to full on grin at Patrick’s sweet button face he has on.

“He’s like a six,” Stevie says. “A cute six.”

“Yeah, like the type you bring home to mama,” David says with a wink.

Stevie furrows her eyebrows at him and says, “That’s not the goal here, David. Didn’t you name this night out ‘Operation: Get Stevie laid’? It’s not ‘Operation: Get Stevie a guy to bring home to mama’.”

“No because that would be way too long of a name,” David says looking at her.

“What do we think Blue Jays fan does for a living?” Patrick chimes in, finishing off his beer.

The two of them turn to look at Patrick. They both say, “Business major,” and burst out laughing.

Patrick glares at them as they continue to laugh. He spots the waitress and once they make eye contact he holds up his empty beer indicating he’d like another. Two is his maximum since he’s driving. He didn’t think he’d have a second but these two idiots cackling like hyenas are quickly changing his mind.

The waitress brings over his new beer and takes the empty shot glasses and his empty beer bottle. David says through the laughter, “Four more shots please.”

“I need to pee now,” Stevie says once her laughter dies down. She stands and heads for the washroom.

“TMI,” David calls out to her as she walks away. Stevie flips him off over her shoulder, not looking back at him.

Patrick wraps his arm around David’s shoulders and pulls him in for a kiss. David pulls back just enough to say, “You taste like beer.”

“And you taste like whatever those shots are supposed to be,” Patrick says back. He looks down at David’s lips before leaning back in to kiss his fiancée. David kisses him back even though he tastes like one of his least favorite things because he is his favorite thing.

“Get a room,” Stevie says as she plops herself back into her seat.

The two men break apart but Patrick drapes his arm across David’s lap, pulling him a bit closer to him. The waitress comes back with their shots and David and Stevie waste no time in taking them. Now it’s David’s turn to have to use the washroom.

“So, anyone else pique your interest?” Patrick asks her.

Stevie says, “Well, I have more booze in my system now so I feel like yes, I could choose someone and get laid tonight.”

Patrick studies her face for a moment. He says, “Is that what you really want? To just get laid?”

Stevie twists her mouth to the side, something she’s sort of picked up from David subconsciously. “Yes,” She says, “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten any, from another human,” with a wink.

Patrick clears his throat and takes a sip of his beer. Stevie tries not to burst out laughing; making Patrick uncomfortable is so much fun. She continues, “I don’t think I’m ready to put myself out there again, like for a relationship. It hasn’t gone my way recently and I don’t want to go through that again.”

“I get that, it’s not easy trying to put yourself out there and try to trust someone then have them rip that away from you. If you don’t want a relationship then you don’t need to have one, but if this,” He says waving to what they’re doing now, “finding someone here to fulfill the need you have now ends up turning into something else, don’t turn it away because you’re scared. You deserve a lot, Stevie, don’t ever settle for less.”

Stevie’s eyes feel misty so she turns her head slightly, and clears her throat before taking the last gulp of her beer. She says, “Thanks, Brewer.”

David returns and says, “Ok, so I’m pretty damn tipsy,” as he sits back down in his seat, chuckling to himself. “What did I miss?” He asks looking between his fiancée and best friend.

“Nothing,” They both say, giving each other a knowing smile.

“Mmk, I don’t believe you but I also couldn’t care less,” David snips.

The three of them forget about the game they were playing; rating the guys out of ten and guessing what they do for work because David gets wrapped up in wanting to go play some throwbacks on the jukebox. The two of them also take a few more shots.

David pulls Patrick to a makeshift dance floor where a few girls were actually bopping along to the song he put on. He put on ‘Spice Up Your Life’ by the Spice Girls and is now making Patrick dance with him.

Stevie watches them from the table, laughing to herself, until Blue Jays guy comes up to her.

“David, look,” Patrick says nodding his head to their table.

David as un-subtlety as humanly possible, whips his head to where Patrick is looking and sees the ‘cute six’ sitting and talking to Stevie. He says, “Aww, she found herself a button too.”

Patrick looks at him incredulously, “Are you saying I’m a ‘cute six’?” He asks.

“No, no, no, no,” David says shaking his head side to side. “Honey, you’re a ten. My ten,” He says leaning in and kissing him soundly on the lips.

Patrick laughs, not being able to stop it. “Okay, I think it might be time to go home now,” He says.

“Wait!” David says a little loudly, keeping Patrick where he is, with his arms around his waist. He says, “What am I?” batting his eyelashes at him.

Patrick chuckles, _he’s so ridiculous_ , he thinks to himself. He says, “Baby, you’re off the charts.”

David throws his head back slightly, closing his eyes. He says, “That line shouldn’t work on me but it kind of is and I blame the polar bear shots.”

Patrick laughs, pulling his ridiculous fiancée closer to him. He kisses him softly on the lips before he says, “Let’s go home.”

“Okay,” David agrees, taking Patrick’s hand in his. They start to walk towards where Stevie is still chatting with Blue Jays guy but she looks at them wide eyed, shaking her head ‘no’ a few times. David smirks at her and nods. He pulls Patrick to the bar so they can pay their tab.

 **David:** Ur going to be ok getting back?

 **Stevie:** Yup. I’ll see you tmr ;)

 **David** : Eww, don’t wink at me

 **David:** Have fun. Be careful.

 **Stevie** : Thx

 **Stevie:** Go get sum of ur own ;)

 **David:** Ok no more drinks for u

 **David** : But yes, I def will get sum ;)

 **Stevie:** Byyyyyeeeeeeeee

Patrick finishes paying the tab and says, “Ready?”

“Yeah, just texted Stevie she’ll be getting her own ride tonight,” He says with what’s supposed to be a wink.

Patrick snorts not being able to contain the laugh. “Wow,” He says, “Let’s get out of here.” He pulls David towards the exit. David looks at Stevie as they pass by her and mouths, “Bye.”

She smiles at him and continues on with her conversation.

 

The ride back to town is half filled with David singing along to music and touching Patrick’s thighs, _really_ distractedly, and the other half is filled with almost silence (the music is still on but Patrick lowered it) as David fell asleep.

“David,” Patrick cooes softly when he parks in front of their building.

David blinks his eyes open and looks straight into Patrick’s eyes. He asks softly, “Are we home?”

Patrick smiles at him, he says just as softly, “We’re home.”

 

They walk into their apartment and go about their nightly routines, except David opts for just splashing some water on his face since he’s still kinda tipsy and too tired for his whole skin care routine now. They get under the covers, in the darkness of their apartment save for a little lighting from the street lamps outside, in their thin pajama pants and white t-shirts.

David cuddles into Patrick, head inches away from his, body facing his, hands gently touching his chest and neck. Patrick wraps his free arm that isn’t trapped under him around David’s waist, pulling his body closer to his.

Patrick finds David’s lips, kissing them softly. He says against his lips, “I love you, David.”

“Mmm,” David moans lightly against his lips. “I love you, Patrick,” He says back before kissing him a bit more forcefully than before, slipping his tongue into Patrick’s mouth; their tongues teasing each other. Patrick’s hold on David’s waist tightens as he pulls David flush against him and grinding his hardening erection against his leg. David moans at the feel of Patrick’s length pressing against him. He grinds his hips into Patrick’s, wanting- needing more of him.

Patrick rolls David over so he’s laying on his back and he can prop himself up on top of him. He puts one of his legs in between David’s and grinds down against him.

David moans, throwing his head back onto the pillow. Patrick kisses down his jaw to his exposed neck, nipping and sucking at the skin lightly.  David’s hands move up and down Patrick’s back, he moves them under his t-shirt and pulls to get it off. Patrick helps him and discards his t-shirt, moving to also get David out of his. Patrick runs his hand over David’s chest, his fingers lightly moving through the bit of hair there. David runs his hands down Patrick’s back and into his pyjama pants, squeezing his ass and pulling him harder into him.

Patrick moans grinding harder against David. David says a little breathlessly, “Take these off, please, I need you.”

Patrick obliges, he loves when David is so needy for his cock that he begs for him to get undressed. David also moves to remove his pants and reaches for the lube in the bedside table. He drops it next to his thigh on the bed. Patrick takes it and slicks up a couple of fingers. He kisses David like he can’t be another second without his lips on his, as he circles one finger around his hole. Patrick pushes one finger past his rim which makes David moan into their kiss. He fucks him slowly with one finger before David is begging for another, “Please,” is all he says.

Patrick complies, pushing another finger in and working him open. David is a moaning and muttering, “Please,” and scratching at his back and ass, pulling him closer, with Patrick’s hard leaking cock grinding against his thigh.

Patrick pulls his fingers out and strokes a bit more lube onto his cock before pushing the head against David’s waiting hole. He pulls his hips up more as Patrick pushes his full length into him, wrapping his legs around Patrick’s waist.

“You feel _so fucking good_ ,” David moans out, “Fuck, Pat _r_ _ick_.”

Patrick switches his angle and hits David’s prostate making him moan out louder. Patrick hammers into that spot, not being able to contain it with the pressure on his dick from fucking into David. He moans against his neck, “ _David_ , fu- you feel amazing. I’m not going to last.”

“Mm, yeah, come for me, _please_ ,” David moans out. He grabs onto his neglected cock and starts to stroke it, up and down, rolling his thumb across the slit, pulling at the head; twisting and turning. Patrick bites at his shoulder as he thrusts hard a couple more times and comes hard inside of him. David right along with him coming hard between them, moaning, “ _Patrick!”_

Patrick pulls out slowly before plopping down onto the mattress beside David, both of them panting heavily.

“You’re amazing,” Patrick says through labored breaths, turning his head only to look at him, sated, happy smile on his face, thankful for the little bit of light coming through their blinds.

“ _Y_ _ou’re_ amazing,” David says also turning his head to look at him with his own goofy smile, “I love you.”

Patrick’s smile gets even wider, happier. He opens the bedside table lamp as he gets out of bed to get a warm washcloth. Patrick comes back out with it and cleans David up before tossing it into the hamper in the corner of the room. They both get under the covers and Patrick closes the light, enclosing them back in the darkness apart from the little bit of light from outside.

They get back into the same positions as they started out when they got into bed. Patrick kisses David softly for a few moments before David turns around and presses himself into Patrick. Patrick smiles as he wraps his free arm around David and pulling him close, nuzzling his nose into the crook of his neck, and kissing him softly there.

“Night, Patrick,” David says softly as he places a hand over Patrick’s on his stomach, rubbing his thumb against his hand.

“Night, David,” Patrick says back to him just as softly, kissing him one more time before they both drift off to sleep with thoughts of the night that just passed and how happy they are to be with each other and to spend the next _forever_ with each other.

 

The next morning, David sleeps in while Patrick gets ready to go open the store. He kisses him softly a few times before he goes to work, telling him he’ll see him whenever he gets there.

 

David wakes up a couple hours later and to a couple of new texts from Stevie.

 **Stevie:** Just got home ;)

It was at nine when he got that text.

 **Stevie:** Mission accomplished, if you needed further explanation

David texts her back right away.

 **David:** What did I tell you about winking at me?

 **David:** I’m glad. Are you going to see him again?

 **Stevie:** We have a date on Thursday

 **Stevie:** And I’ll wink at u as much as I want

 **David:** I’m kind of hungover and don’t feel like arguing with you about how winking at me is incorrect on many levels

 **Stevie:** ;)

David ignores her, hoping the conversation can just end there. He gets ready and makes it to the store not as late as he had expected, with a coffee for himself and a tea for his amazing fiancée.

He places the tea on the counter in front of him and walks around the register to kiss him softly on the lips. “Hi,” He says when they part.

“Hi,” Patrick says back with a smile. “How you feeling?”

“Um, a little hungover but not so bad, the extra sleep helped so thank you,” David tells him rubbing his shoulder with his hand.

There’s only one person in the store and he’s looking around, so he doesn’t bother to go and help and figures Patrick’s already asked him. “How’s Stevie?” Patrick asks him, taking a sip of his tea.

“Our mission of getting her laid was a success,” David says with a small smirk on his face. “She’s home and they apparently have a date on Thursday.”

“Wow,” Patrick says a little surprised. “Who would have thought? The ‘cute six’ in the Blue Jays cap,” He says even putting air quotes over the cute six reference.

“I don’t know… I’m about to marry a baseball fan and he’s pretty damn cute,” David says with a small shrug, mouth twisting to one side.

Patrick smiles at him and puts his tea down. He wraps his arms around his waist and says, “I thought I was a ten,” small smirk on his lips, eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

David puts his coffee down and wraps his arms around his neck. He leans forward and presses his lips softly against his. He pulls back to say, “Yes, you are, and you’re all mine.”

“All yours,” Patrick agrees, pressing his lips to David’s one more time.

They break apart since they still need to be professional. The customer comes up to the cash to pay and more start to come in.

The rest of the day they’re busy and only get to steal glances at each other from different spots in the store, and even though they miss being able to touch or kiss or just talk, it reminds them of before they got together and stole glances at each other trying not to get caught staring.

David hopes that his best friend can find a love like he has with Patrick, through missions like last night or randomly at the grocery store on a Tuesday. She deserves every bit of happiness because that’s what he has with Patrick and he wants nothing more than for her to be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr: bellafarella


End file.
